Earlier this week, when the baby was sleeping and I had the rest of the house to myself and I planned to crochet and watch television, I found myself writing to a few colleagues for advice about an idea I'd barely spent any time thinking about. I hit send before I could reconsider, and then I went and did my crocheting.
I woke up the next morning wondering what on earth I'd been thinking. I was tempted to write again to take it back. It was way too early. I wasn't ready.
But by the time I got to my email, one of those colleagues had already responded, and with oodles of support. And then, as they say, shit got real.
I may not have felt ready, but that didn't matter anymore. It was time to go big or go home.
So I stole moments to put in the thought I hadn't put in before opening my big fat mouth. I talked to Greg about it. I slept on it.
And today I had a choice: I could hedge my way out of it, or I could commit.
The rut said to back off. But I'm no friend of my rut. So I put my game face on, people. I forced myself not to apologize for jumping the gun. I forced myself to say all the things I wanted to say, to think big, and to say it all.
Maybe it'll all work out how I want it to and maybe it won't. But I'm so much more excited about this idea than I was before. And I know the idea so much better. So even if it doesn't all turn out the way I want it to, I'll have that. And that's a lot.
And just as important, I'll have the kickass feeling that comes with not holding back. It's a good feeling. I suggest you try it.
This may have been the best Rut Race exercise yet. I have a feeling I wouldn't have done these things, though, if I hadn't committed to this week-long exercise. Today's the first day I've really felt like I can get out of this rut sooner than later.
And this concludes my commitment to write every day about this. I'm proud of myself for following through with it. I feel better than I did at the start. I'm not out of my rut yet, but I'll get there. And I may write more about it as I go, even if not daily.
So how are you doing? Are your efforts paying off? Are you feeling unchanged? Worse?