You look ridiculous in those massive glasses. They're different from sunglasses, you know, because we can see the entirety of your face through the lenses. And through those lenses, your face doesn't look so great. And you know how funny it feels when you smile and your glasses move up and down? We can see that, and it looks funny, too.
Also, your ironic donning of those huge glasses is at the expense quite specifically of me.
Cut it out. On behalf of everyone who has overcome their adolescence to achieve some sort of happiness in adulthood, I implore you.
UPDATE THE 2nd: Vashti has joined the brigade.